The last few weeks, I’ve been working on tracking small healthy habits I’ve wanted to establish in my life. It has been going well for the most part. However, this week came TOM and all of the sudden, I found myself losing track slowly as the week went on. I didn’t follow all the habits and found myself at one point binging on chocolate chip cookies and making cookie dough.
In the past, TOM has been a source of contention for me. It came early in my life and caused a lot of hormone issues and weight gain. I am only now trying to make peace with my body during these times because when it comes, cravings are strong and irritability follows. I was reading that sugar contributes to a lot of the symptoms during this time of month, but I crave sugar so staying away sometimes seems impossible. As a matter of fact, when I went off sugar for 3 months back in 2012, it was during TOM I caved and went on a sugar binge.
This week, I was noticing my thoughts and realized some of the stuff I was saying was mostly self-pity and providing self-justification for eating things I don’t normally eat. I ate an entire bag of chips when at most times, I wouldn’t be so tempted. I caught myself giving permission to the child in me to ‘go ahead and eat, you don’t feel good and it will help’. What type of logic is this and how is it going to help me live a healthy life?
I started thinking back when I would do well with eating until TOM arrived and then my efforts would go out the window, I would berate myself and give up all together until the next round of motivation would show up to try again. This time, because of work I’ve done, I started immediately forgiving myself and saying ‘I love myself and it’s okay’ which I have to say was not easy after I downed cookie dough by the tablespoon. I’m used to giving myself the riot act but I know that’s what I did in the past and it never worked so this time, I did my best to be kind to myself especially when it matters most, when I’m not making the right choices.
The self-justification and self-pity was the old way of doing things. This was my mechanism to self-soothe during TOM. Growing up, people felt sorry for me and I capitalized on it because I didn’t get much attention, emotional validation or empathy so when I did, I ate it up (literally). Only to see clearly now it has been hurting me in so many ways. It’s what I have always done but unfortunately it never served me well, and in fact caused major destruction to my eating, weight and health. It also did damage to my mental state as I felt myself getting discouraged and giving up quickly. With the hormones flowing during these times, things seem much more dramatic.
It’s time to let go of this old pattern. I’m going to have to come up with some sort of game plan about 1-2 weeks prior to TOM and see how I can take better care of myself with positive talk and other ways for self-soothing rather then turning to food. A new way of thinking to serve me rather than hurt me and send me down into a self-destructive rut I’m used to falling into. These are the times I realize, wow, I really need to take responsibility in this area. It’s time to lift up the covers and really work on some of these patterns. It’s not easy, but then again, nothing worth while is easy but it’s definitely worth it in the end. Emotional Eating Patterns, emotional eating, destructive patterns, Emotional Patterns Emotional Eating Patterns, Emotional Eating Patterns Emotional Eating Patterns