This week was just ‘okay’. I wasn’t as diligent about tracking my food intake. In fact, I noticed myself ‘not caring’ when I got home and reaching for the carbs again. I ate much more then I intended. I often find myself ‘ignoring’ or going into denial about my weight as to give myself permission to overeat. It’s cowardly and not truly who I am, but yet at the same time, I find myself using this logic more often then not. I’m not sure why, maybe out of habit?
When I think back to the times where I lost 60+lbs in the past, I try to remember how I was feeling and what I was telling myself. I had a specific goal and I didn’t let anything stop me to reach that goal. It’s as if I was a different person. I long to have that person back and I am frantically searching for her again. Where did she go? How far away is she? It bothers me to think I got away from who I want to be for so long.
Today, I think about all the things going on in my life and feel overwhelmed. The major move we had back in August really took a toll out of all us and it seems as though things are still so unsettled. Feeling unsettled is haunting me and I believe keeping me from ‘acting’ or making a decision. Here’s the thing, I haven’t been able to get clarity on what to do next in my life. Yes, I know where I want to be in 5 years, but I’m not clear on the decisions I need to make to get there now. Some of the decisions are major life-changing large financial decisions.
Some of this is contributing to feelings of ‘lack of control’ of different areas of my life. I haven’t been able to focus on one thing because I’m constantly thinking about ‘What should we do?” and it’s driving me to eat. How do others manage? How are other women successful at navigating during tough times without leaning on food to ‘get them through’? I pray and meditate daily, but don’t feel it’s ever enough. If I had the time, I would pray 2 hours each morning, it really gets me into the right frame of mind and end up better days for me.
When I think of time passing by and missed opportunities, it adds the feeling of ‘helplessness’ that I’ve been working so hard to eliminate. Logically I know I am in full control of my life, by my thoughts and behaviors, but when my emotions take over, it’s like I’m a different person. I started reading Dan Goldman’s “Emotional Intelligence” book and he cites a ton of studies in this area. As I’m reading through, I find myself saying, “Oh, I can see that in myself.” frequently. Mastering this area of emotions is critical, I see that now. But for some reason, I’m struggling with how to get from point A to point B. In other words, how do I go from where I am today, to mastering my emotions so I can start achieving goals and living a life where I control my future?
I’m still working on this emotional mastery. Learning to control my body, what I’m focusing on and what I’m saying to myself is so important and what I’ve learned from attending Tony Robbin’s events. What’s missing is remembering or getting into the habit of practicing these key elements. I typically get caught up in the social hypnosis of day to day activities and forget to think about what I’m thinking about and before I know it, I’m eating an unplanned bowl of cereal without even realizing it.
I have some ideas on how to continue to learn to practice emotional mastery and will need to really focus on changing my state immediately and not get into that ‘anxious thinking’ state but instead think about what I can control. This week is about noticing and pausing to think about how I can change my thinking. Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional Eating Emotional