(I used to love that song back in the 80’s!!)
At our weight loss support group meeting, we talked about what works when we are ‘on track’ or ‘being good’ and what doesn’t. Then it came to me, am I telling myself the truth about what works? Am I telling myself the truth when I say things like, “I don’t have a sugar addiction.” or “I can eat just a little bit and I’m satisfied.” Really? Is this true or how I manipulate the truth to ‘justify’ my actions? Or should I say, give myself permission? Similar to being in a unhappy relationship, we lie to ourselves over and over to justify our decision to stay in the relationship without even thinking twice. If I know this, why do I keep doing it?
I’d rather ignore the damages of what is being done to my body and eat food that ‘makes me feel good in the moment’ than face reality. I’d rather give myself permission to eat as much as I want, when I want and what I want to appease the inner child in me because that’s how I’ve historically shown love to myself. This logically makes no sense, but if we are being honest, it is exactly what happens. This ‘love’ I’ve shown myself has resulted in the following:
- BMI that’s off the chart
- Joint pain
- Lack of energy
- Insulin Resistance/Pre-diabetes
- Hormone imbalances
- Brain Fog
- Lack of sleep
- Female issues
- Indicators for heart disease, leading to Syndrome X
- Apple shape/Belly fat
- Hair loss
- Decline in physical appearance (i.e. can’t find clothes that look good, skin is bulgy etc.) which significantly impacts self-confidence and self-esteem
I have issues with food. I lose control more often then I’d like to admit. Here’s the thing, if I continue to lie to myself all the time, guess what the results will be 5 years, 10 years from now…you know the answer! Ding, ding: Unhealthy & unhappy with serious medical issues.
I’ve done a lot of self-development work over the course of the last 3 years. This work has opened my mind up to some of the self-destructive behaviors we all do that have sadly become habits. If continued, these habits will lead to either early death or years of suffering. I consider myself relatively young and yet, I feel like I’m in my 60’s because it’s hard to move around, be active and have the energy necessary to live a full life. It’s not going to get easier, it’s going to get harder and harder. Yet, I lie to justify! I ‘try’ not to think about it, but reality is, I’m thinking about it obsessively and that’s not working either.
It’s time to get real. I have been avoiding the mirror because I don’t want to see the truth. When I went shopping for clothes, I was angry and wasn’t taking responsibility. I was blaming the clothing companies and stores (my blog entry from last week) for not carrying or producing flattering clothing in my size. While I still stand by the fact that there should be more tailored clothing available in plus sizes, the truth is, I didn’t want to take responsibility and own the anger. Instead it was easier to blame others and continue lying to myself instead of the truth that it’s been my choices that landed me where I am today. Granted, there are many factors that go into those choices, like lack of knowledge, awareness and physical changes, but ultimately, it’s my life, my choices and I have to own that. I cannot continue to sit around making up stories to justify those choices. I made them and it’s over. Now it’s time to accept where I am today and move forward.
I’ve made a lot of progress with incorporating healthy habits into my life, but I have a long way to go. That’s the truth. The other truth is that in order for me to significantly improve my health, I have to start getting real about food. I need to eliminate many of the offending foods from my diet. There’s a reason most diets recommend ‘cleaning your environment’ and that’s to remove temptation from the equation. It’s difficult to incorporate changes to your diet but it’s extra hard when you have the offending foods in your face. In the past, I would get angry, why can’t I have those foods available (going back to my childhood)? I should be able to ‘handle’ them. The truth is, I cannot. I binge on them. Its time to remove them from my life. They do not add to my life, they slowly take it away. I have to start saving my life today. I know if I don’t, I won’t be here as long as I should be. I know that sounds harsh, but it’s reality, and since I’m starting to give up lying to myself, I will give myself the gift of truth from this point forward.
In the coming weeks, I’ll be working to remove sugar and flour from my diet. I’ve done it before unsuccessfully because I didn’t have the support system in place ahead of time. Today, I do and I’ll be testing this in the coming weeks. I’m so grateful to have this venue available so I can share with you my thoughts and emotions during this process. It’s going to be tough but what will be tougher is if I don’t try and instead give up. That I cannot do.