Self-love Comes Over Time

One night this week, I woke up around 2:30 AM after a bad dream. In the dream, I was watching my life fade away. I had this overwhelming feeling that the helpless attitude I was carrying around for so long was causing so much loss in my life. It was an awful feeling.  When I woke up, I said to myself, enough is enough. I’m not breathing well at night and it’s waking me up. I have to change something today. I decided to stop eating at 6 PM.  It’s not a major thing, but something I know will help.  I noticed immediately my  sleep was much better. I didn’t wake up multiple times throughout the night and I felt more energetic in the morning. The best part, I lost weight!

Of course, my focus has been internal growth.  I’ve been reciting affirmations religiously, creating space for internal change and practicing consciousness which has been evolving dramatically. I’m excited to continue learning and growing in this area.  A piece of it is loving myself and my body.  This hasn’t been the case (obviously) for most of my life.  I wouldn’t’ say to myself outright, “I hate myself and my body.” Instead, it was more about telling myself over and over what I should be doing, or what I needed to do to get a better life.  All of which was inherently pointing to the fact that at the moment, I’m not good enough, that something was always missing. It’s like running a race but the finish line keeps changing to the point you never cross it because there’s always more distance between you and the line. Talk about frustrating.

That’s how the lack of self-love manifested in my life for so many years.  If someone had asked if I liked myself, I would say yes of course.  Rationalizing by saying I like myself enough to constantly try to improve. This is delusional.  It may seem that way, but the fact is, it’s a lie.

When you love yourself, you are kind, compassionate and forgiving.  If you make a mistake, you are not berating yourself constantly of what you ‘should have done differently’.  I’m not sure where I equated self-love to berating myself, but it’s been a lie I was sold and believed for most of my life. How tragic! The good news, now I know the truth and as they say in the bible, the truth sets you free.

Affirmations help with this.  At first it seems silly saying these things, in fact I get teased for it. However, over time, it starts to come out during challenging times.  Because my default responses have been negative, it’s taken time to swing the pendulum.  Not an easy feat, but certainly well worth it.  I feel so much more at peace with myself. I can truly say, the road to self-love seems attainable now.  What comes with that self-love?  Taking care of my body because I want to take care of it.  That is why I said, I’m not eating past 6 PM.  I don’t need to and honestly, it’s going to help with taking care of myself.  Just like flossing my teeth, taking vitamins etc.  We do these things because we want to take care of ourselves.  It feels so much better and I’m a happier person for it.

Self-love is critical and attainable for becoming healthy.  If I don’t love myself, why would I take care of my body?

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