Helplessness is a common emotion we feel while on the journey towards the perfect weight. When I was going through the yo-yo phase of my life, I would be successful for a while and then it would all come crashing down when I gained the weight back, plus a whole lot more. It was frustrating. After a while, I easily slipped into the habit of feeling sorry for myself and helpless because I couldn’t figure out why in this part of my life, I was failing.
Little did I realize I was approaching it all wrong. Instead of focusing on losing weight, I needed to focus on finding health. This is so much more positive. Losing weight ultimately is easy but keeping it off can be a struggle. And if we keep ‘losing weight’ as our focus, then we will continue to attract having to ‘lose weight’. My attitude about my weight became helpless and hopeless. I carried this attitude around for a long time and lead to feeling stuck, not wanting to take care of myself, and avoiding public places.
We all have a choice, whether we believe it or not. We can chose not to wallow in this state but instead make small changes to feel good all the time. So today, I wanted to share with you 5 ways it kept me there and how if I stayed there, it would have seriously crippled my ability to move forward in this journey if I let it.
- It kept me in a bad mood: When I continued to focus on how I wasn’t losing weight, or I was eating out of control, it kept me angry. Angry at myself and the world. I would blame others, feel sorry for myself and say things like, “Nothing works!“. This mentality didn’t serve me, my family or those I interacted with on a daily basis. Instead, people avoided me because they weren’t sure what mood they would find me in that day. I often lashed out because I was unhappy and felt the world was out to get me.
- It created low self-esteem (and reinforced it): As a result of feeling sorry for myself all the time, I didn’t feel successful at anything. Even though it was only one area of my life where results were not evident (being overweight), it carried over into all areas of my life and I felt I was struggling all the time. Low self-esteem creates this cycle of thought which says, “Why bother trying if I’m going to fail again.” I sat in this state for a long time and it impacted everything.
- It kept me from making progress: Because I didn’t feel good about myself and I was angry, I didn’t bother trying. I would have bursts where I would write down goals to achieve but I didn’t follow through. Progress is critical, especially small steps, but I wasn’t even doing that. Again, I wallowed in my self-pity and it was difficult to see clearly hence I was stuck for a long time reinforcing the low self-esteem and bad mood.
- I lost focus on what was important in my life: When I prayed back then, it was more of ‘duty’ and my focus was so much on my life and how things were not happening for me, I lost sight on what I did have and what was important like family and helping others. My time was dominated on myself and of course, that kept me down.
- I was a negative role model to those within my circle of influence: My negative behavior started impacting those around me, especially my son. At the time, I didn’t think of it because I was too wrapped up in my own mind which was tragic. However, I started to see patterns of behavior in my son which were similar to mine (overeating at night, having desert daily, hiding food etc.). It hurt me. I believe that was what sparked me to change. My love for him was more than I had for myself and I knew I had to do something to change it.
All of these patterns were hurting me more and more. I later came to the realization, I had to choose to get myself out of these patterns. And I did. I was able to change how I felt immediately. Yes, it wasn’t always easy because I felt like I was pushing upstream (initially that’s what it feels like). But once I started to make it a deliberate habit, I started to notice changes in how I felt on a daily basis. 5 Ways Helplessness Kept Me Stuck
If you knew you had a choice to either be helpless or happy, which one would you choose?