I have to be honest and tell you, I did not want to post this week because it has been up and down. I can’t pinpoint a specific event that happened, but my thoughts and emotions were erratic and I didn’t get to the gym. I was off track and felt ‘disconnected’ if that makes sense. My morning habits suffered and I know that’s a big piece of it. The good news is when I least expected, I had positive thoughts. Instead of the normal ‘beating myself up‘ routine I’ve been so used to, I actually stopped (when I noticed) and redirected my thoughts. The only thing is, the repetitive thinking crept back in and depending on when I ‘caught‘ it, either I was successful or I wasn’t.
I started the week off by planning meals, cooking and prepping on Sunday. However, when Tuesday rolled around, it was like everything was tossed out the window. I realized I wasn’t sustaining my positive frame of mind and it impacted my emotions. Again, probably because in the mornings, I didn’t have the time to sit in silence to pray, meditate and set my mind in the right direction. If I wasn’t working on myself this year, I wouldn’t have thought twice about my thought patterns. It would’ve taken me longer to identify the source of my unhappiness. I’m grateful to see the progress and look forward to the day where it can happen in minutes.
To improve my mood, I registered for a meditation retreat. In the past I would have been skeptical about going to one, but not now. Taking the time to relax and learn different techniques to calm myself and refocus thoughts will improve my health and well being. Not only that, but it teaches you how to connect and ‘trust’ yourself again. This has been a major focus since the disconnection is what created the unhealthy ‘diet mentality’ that’s wreaked havoc on my mind and body from the beginning.
This weekend we have some activities planned and I’m looking forward to the time with family and the time to be in silence. I will reset and start again. Is it frustrating? Only if I focus on the negative. This is a life long journey to heal my mind and body. Instead of worrying about the scale and counting calories, I’m focused on learning how to trust myself again, to connect with my body to identify true hunger, satisfaction and ultimately to learn what makes me happy. This is the way to sustainable and lifelong health. It may take longer than I would want, but I lived the ‘diet’ route so long without success, I’m now ready to heal no matter how long it takes…